my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize