So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
