Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
