just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
