He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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