I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
