May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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