Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
