Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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