Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize