he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
