I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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