Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
