We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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