He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
