If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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