you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
