Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
