we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
