he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
