meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
