Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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