four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
