I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
