I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
