So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
