It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I believe in your delicious
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
