first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
