i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
