Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
