I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
