Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
