You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
