I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
farters have to be the big spoon...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
