I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
