I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
