Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
