I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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