Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He passed out mid-signature
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize