I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
