i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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