how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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