i'm lost and i look like a hooker
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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