I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Those nachos came to me in a dream
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
