I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
did i just pee glitter
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
