We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
