I think scott just propositioned me for sex
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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