Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
