I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
