i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
