see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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