explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
