Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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