He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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