remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
