ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
