Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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