I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
