Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Randomize
