just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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