it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
