Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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