This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
