I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
